I have a confession to make. One I am not proud of. In fact, it makes me simultaneously sad and angry as well as making me want to withdraw from verbal contact with others.
I have hearing loss.
It isn’t significant, but enough to make social situations quite bothersome. Let me explain. If I am in a situation where there is a bit of background noise, for instance at church, or at home, or at work, or at a restaurant, or any other place where background noise exists, I have a very difficult time hearing what is spoken to me. Voices tend to get drowned in a sea of white noise. It isn’t that I can’t hear what is spoken to me, it is that I cannot distinguish what is being spoken. It tends to blend in with whatever background noise is present at the time.
It bothers me to no end to ask people to repeat themselves or to speak louder. It isn’t their fault. It makes me appear to be the guilty party, or at least I feel as if I am. I have taken the necessary precautions to protect my hearing since I began my job as an aircraft assembler over 8 years ago. Even when I mow the lawn or use other power tools, I always make sure I have “eyes and ears” on…safety glasses and hearing protection. However, since my sons are of the age where they can mow the lawn, that is now their duty. And I have been adamant enough about it that they also wear their eyes and ears while mowing. But that’s a rabbit trail. Back to my own ears…
I grew up on a farm and was around guns, chainsaws, tractors, and various other equipment and tools typically found on a farm, but I never wore hearing protection. Maybe that has contributed to my hearing loss. I know I am desperately trying to save what I have left.
And I need your help.
If you are having a conversation with me there are some steps you can take to help ensure that I both hear and understand you.
1) Make sure our conversation is face-to-face, especially if we are in a social setting. We all typically lip-read to some extent, whether we realize it or not. I depend on lip-reading more than most people.
2) Enunciate your words clearly.
3) Try to minimize background noise. If that is unavoidable, refer to numbers one and two.
Even as I type this, something is telling me I shouldn’t even bother. That is what is so damnable about the lies of the enemy. He tells us nobody else has our problem and nobody will understand so why bother sharing a need or weakness with anyone. You have to deal with it on your own.
So that means it’s my own problem and you don’t really care. What? Are you deaf? Didn’t you hear me the third time???
No, I didn’t. As painful as it is for me to admit, I did not hear you, so please be patient with me and repeat what you just said…for the fourth time if necessary. And please don’t become exasperated with me and say something like, “Oh, never mind.” That makes me feel even worse.
Oh yeah, and I have significant tinnitus. That’s a constant ringing in my ears. It is a ubiquitous, albeit unwelcome, companion.
Maybe I’m having a pity-party. Maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m simply expressing a weakness of my flesh that has no quick or easy fix; a weakness about which I can do nothing, except of course get a hearing aid. But I’m not that old. I shouldn’t need one of those things.
Please “hear” the sarcasm and my feeble attempt at humor in what I am sharing. If I come across angry or bitter, it is unintentional. I am neither. Mostly I am frustrated because something is happening to my body over which I have absolutely no control. Maybe that’s what it’s like to grow old. But I’m only 47. I’m not that old.
Gosh. Did I just say 47? Dang, I’m old…
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